It’s almost midnight. I need to be up for work in just over six hours. Yet I’m here, writing this blog post. I have a lot on my mind, hence why I’m writing this at such a late hour.
My post on here yesterday (well two days ago when you’re reading this) about not setting myself any New Years resolutions, and instead choosing to go with the flow. This evening, though, has made me wonder if I perhaps need to make a change.
I’m an extremely sensitive person who cares a lot about the feelings of other people. Be it family, friends, work colleagues, some random person on the tube, I worry about their feelings. Even if I haven’t done anything to upset or hurt them, if they’re in a bad mood, I immediately think it’s something I’ve done that’s put them in this mood. Don’t ask me why, I don’t have a clue why I do this, it’s just part of who I am apparently. I think this is partly why I’m quite considerate to people and always try my best to think before I speak for fear of upsetting someone.
This has its drawbacks, my god does it have its drawbacks. Namely that others aren’t quite as considerate towards me at times, which really gets to me. This is the reason why I’ve spent what was meant to be a relaxed evening feeling pretty low after some inconsiderate actions by friends (I’ll spare you the details to save myself from sounding like a grumpy teenager).
So, maybe this is the change I should make to give less of a shit about everything and everyone. There have been many times when I’ve felt like my feelings have been kicked to the kerb, but I’ve still tried gone as considerate as possible. Maybe I should try and worry less about this. I’m not saying to be intentionally horrible to those around me (obviously) but perhaps it will help me feel less like a disregarded piece of nothing that’s been shoved in the corner. We’ll see how it goes. How difficult can it be to change the habits of a lifetime?
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